Hey y’all!
I’m currently running on four hours of sleep and an embarrassing amount of iced matcha (which is my entire personality these days), so forgive me if this one gets a little personal. Actually, scratch that. Personal is exactly what we’re doing today. Pull up a chair, and let’s get into it.
TL;DR 👀
How to build an audience without handing over your whole life
Building a career, a brand, or a life in public also means many people expect access to all of it.
And some creators feel compelled enough to share everything.
But here you are, building your personal brand, and somewhere along the way, the pressure to share everything started feeling like part of the job description that you didn’t sign up for.
That’s where I saw myself, too.
My upbringing, my marriage, my home, my career, my routine, my new baby.
Some parts of it, I wanted to share, and others, I preferred to keep for myself.
But the internet has a funny way of making you feel like your boundaries are a betrayal.
Millennials didn’t grow up with this. We had a before.
We remember experiences that weren’t documented, opinions that weren’t public, embarrassing moments that didn’t live anywhere except in the memories of the three people who witnessed them… and maybe a forgotten Facebook album somewhere.
Just like the generations who came after us, we got caught up in something that we didn’t have a name for until it was already happening— the need to be perceived, seen, and validated by people we’ve never met, in real time, constantly.
In spite of it all, one non-negotiable for me has been featuring my husband in my content. (I do from time to time but he’s not a main character in it and will never be.)
Creating content was my dream, but it wasn’t his.
My husband enjoys leading a simple, straightforward life.
He’s a fixer. I mean, he fixes everything. Furniture, bad days, broken dreams. The first time he came to my apartment, he quietly walked around fixing all the IKEA pieces I had assembled incorrectly.
He’s not afraid of sacrifice. He once quit his job so we could move for an opportunity I really wanted. We later mutually agreed that it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made, which made me love him even more.
He believes in me. He has never once called one of my ideas silly. Not once. He just finds a way to make them work. He told all his friends to follow me because I was “about to blow up.”
The confidence he has in me is honestly the cheat code to everything I’ve built. That is the reason I can show up the way I do. And that’s also the reason I decided to keep our relationship private.
Now, I feel the same pressure when it comes to my daughter.
If you didn’t know, I became a mom this year, through the beautiful gift of adoption. She is perfect, and she is mine.
Sometimes, I feel an obligation to share more of her and that journey. The world doesn’t talk enough about adoption, and I have a platform that could change that. I feel that pull genuinely — to show what this looks like, to normalize it, to let people in on something that has completely changed my life.
But she didn’t get to vote on whether to be part of my platform. So, I’m casting that vote for her. It’s as simple as that.
Not everything is content. At some point, every creator has to decide what they’re building and what they’re protecting. Figure out yours before your audience pressures you into sharing more than you feel comfortable sharing.
It’s perfectly normal (and healthy!) to keep some things sacred.
My fav substacks right now
Danielle Leslie’s WELLTH - Her latest series had my jaw on the floor! If you’ve ever stood in a room full of people who think you have it all together while quietly falling apart inside, Danielle’s beautiful, transparent story will stand out to you. Danielle built a $25M business, stood on stages celebrating success, and was simultaneously drowning in debt she hadn’t told anyone about. This is exactly the kind of story we need more of in a social media-riddled world.
Mckenzie Mack’s FI with Mckenzie — I love her finance tips, especially as she moves closer to Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE). She is taking all her readers on that journey and gives such great personal finance advice along the way. If you don’t follow her on all platforms, you’re doing yourself a disservice! She’s so funny, too, and I know if we lived closer to one another, we would totally be friends IRL.
Christine Ntim’s Personal Brand Business Journal - Once I saw “personal brand,” I was already obsessed and hit “subscribe” on this newsletter. Christine’s words speak to me often, especially when she says things like, “Although we are exhausted from trying to be everywhere, we can still show up consistently by being more intentional.” I try to incorporate that into my everyday now…because you better believe mama is tired.
Keep what’s yours
Thank you for letting me share this with you — it felt important to say. Protect what matters this week. I mean it.
P.S. This Monday edition is free and always will be, but if you want more, I’ve been expanding my content on Substack. Every Wednesday, I take one of your questions and give you my honest two cents. If that sounds like your kind of thing, you know what to do.
I’ll be back on April 20th for another Monday edition of That’s a Monday Me Problem.
This is great advice. Sometimes I conflate authenticity with value — to the extreme. Like the more I share of myself, my values, my struggles, the more value I bring. That’s benefited me in my career but it’s also backfired at points.
Now I’m starting a digital persona with a new lens, rethinking what I want to keep for just me and what brings value that I can share with the world.
Having boundaries is SO important! It helps make content actually sustainable. I learned early on that I’m not a vlogger. When I film my entire day it becomes a chore and I just don’t enjoy it at alllll.
Also you are my favorite thank you for including me 😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻 love following your journey and I’m glad we are internet friends (IRL will happen 😩🤞🏼)